A pony who is displaying anger towards me because I have had the temerity to suggest its love of being emo is "just a phase" rather than an authentic commitment for life.A naive pony who is being mocked by his more worldly friend, due to his belief that all he needs to do to officially become a unicorn is get some hair gel and style his mane appropriately.A pony with an infamously well-developed sense of smell which will not in any way sugarcoat its opinion when you ask it for feedback on your new aftershave or perfume.A physically intimidating horse which is heavily into death metal and scares strangers when it goes into shops but has a reputation as a surprisingly gentle and selfless individual amongst those who have put aside their preconceptions and made the time to really get to know it.A shy, indecisive pony who has decided to get itself a hot drink and is weighing up the plus points of two independent coffee outlets located in opposite directions.A pony who has applied for a position as part of a touring theatre group I am setting up, been turned down and now, in pitiful desperation, is trying to show me how well it can dance.Two ponies who once upon a time would go to see gigs and films together and used to talk on the phone, well into the early hours, about everything and nothing, but now, as they pass one another on the lane without so much as a nod, are both individually wondering: "How has it come to this?"A sad pony who has been thrown out of the house where it lived by its cruel owners for advertising itself falsely as a horse and is now extremely hungry and reduced to surviving on crap grass.Two ponies with not a lot to do in their day-to-day life who, as much out of boredom as kindness, have agreed to show me the way to the nearest branch of B&Q so I can purchase a particular, esoteric kind of lightbulb that my local hardware store does not stockTwo ponies who I found by passing through a curtain in reality, directly into a fairy tale, who then morphed into a gorilla before I woke up and realised it was all a dream.A pony who has dragged me all the way up to one of the highest points on Dartmoor just so I can shoot the photo for its debut solo LP. Two arrogant horses who went to expensive private schools and now like to go out together in smart matching jackets and shout insults at less fortunate farm animals.A kind pony who has chanced upon my inert form after I took a sleep on some wet grass and is checking to see whether I am dead, while its friend, who doesn't give a shit, eats a rich tea biscuit that has fallen out of my backpack.I asked this extremely diligent horse to guard my car and said I'd be back in "around 45 minutes". Ended up being gone a whole four hours. Didn't move from his post. Remarkable. What a guy.
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