Some goats who grew up during the heyday of Slipknot, Linkin Park and Korn, and had always wanted to form their own band within the nu metal subgenre, but now, having finally been brave enough to commit and go for it, are trying to brave things out and conceal a growing concern that they might have left it too late to fit in with prevailing musical trends.A goat who has been stalking me across numerous galaxies, over several centuries, and now, having finally tracked me down in the unlikely setting of a bracken-dominated valley on Exmoor, is trying to work out how best to ensnare me and drag me back to a neighbouring solar system to the floating sand mansion of the Far Right astral dictator who has promised him a handsome reward for my living scalp.A goat who, due to its choice of beard, a lot of people think is extraordinarily wise and often travel many miles to ask for existential advice themed around the pursuit of inner peace, but is in fact wilfully small-minded and ignorant, and has read zero other books aside from The Da Vinci Code, three of the Harry Potter series and The Great Big 2017 Calendar Of Sexy Goat Chicks, which it insists to all its friends is a proper real book.A goat who has always been a big fan of The Beach Boys, who is now celebrating its birthday and, wanting a nice present, has convinced me against my will to try to help it recreate the cover shot from the band's legendary 1966 Pet Sounds album.A young goat who is sad, owing to the fact that I have called it away from important goat activities on the pretext of loaning it my Blu-Ray of the 1971 horror film Blood On Satan's Claw then handed it a far inferior earlier DVD version, without the director's commentary or extra features.A goat who lives behind my house, who is angling her neck awkwardly in a rather pathetic and desperate attempt to see my television set and catch the finale of season 7 of The Gilmore Girls.A goat who has always secretly dreamed about being a cow and now, solely as a result of trying amazingly hard, using the tips it has found online about manifesting, is finally becoming one.A goat who took a client out for a long boozy lunch on its expense account, for no other reason than to play the corporate Johnny Big Bollocks, and has subsequently fallen asleep on a gate, where it is dreaming a hard-hitting dream about all the ways it has split apart from the better, more innocent goat it once was.A kind and selfless goat, who will always put the needs of others ahead of his own, and is now piling all the enthusiasm he can into helping me look beneath a tractor for an important pen I have lost.A sheep who has decided to identify as a goat for the day and, after having scorn thrown on its efforts by its associate, has just replied, "It's not so much about physically resembling a goat as bringing a strong and clearly defined big goat energy to the table."A goat who is losing patience with me, due to my inability to just talk to it normally and seriously, as a goat, instead of making a load of Millennial and Gen Z goat-based jokes, based around the popular young person's acronym GOAT and the question "Wouldst thou like to live deliciously?"Two goats who have found that their creative life is more simplistic, dynamic and productive, having branched off from the rest of their nu metal band to write and perform as a duo.
There's also a sheep version of this, in case you missed it.
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