A scarecrow who is dolled up and ready for a night out in the fanciest part of Newcastle, where she hopes to meet a man who has nice hands and will listen to herA scarecrow who has just watched Monty Python's The Holy Grail for the first time.A scarecrow who will be only too happy to do some carpentry for you at short notice but will invoice you for twice the fee he initially quoted for the work.A scarecrow who has got drunk on extra strength lager and, rather embarrassingly, is now reliving his glory days in the Royal Air Force.A French scarecrow who spends most of her days dreaming about being in a more sophisticated urban environment, alongside people who are important.A scarecrow made from part of an old car, who is generally renowned in his neighbourhood as an angry twat.A rather dapper scarecrow who is always happy to give directions to strangers and was brought up in a time when a little bit of snow never hurt anyone and certainly didn't stand as any reason to compromise on sartorial aesthetics.A very pleasant and well-meaning scarecrow who will paint your house for a competitive rate while rhapsodising about the beauty of the land.A scarecrow who is feeling obnoxiously pleased with himself after forming a 1950s sci-fi themed surf rock band, of which he is the sole member.A scarecrow who was actually quite together and sexy around the age of 38 but whose appearance took a dramatic turn for the worse over the next four years, due to a combination of alcohol abuse and internalised rage.A scarecrow who has come away from her youthful feminist ideals and is enjoying slipping into a more traditional female role, but without taking any shit off anyone.A scarecrow who is overly proud of growing two flowers and still wearing the shirt he wore yesterday for a night on the town with his disgusting workmates.Two scarecrows who have been on their college reunion, which, like so many such occasions, has ended with them asleep together up a pole in rural NorthamptonshireA scarecrow people are whispering about in the village, due to the fact she is trying too hard with her hair.A ghost who doesn't do much but is annoyed about being mistaken repeatedly for a scarecrow.A scarecrow who has agreed to a game of 'Hide & Seek' in the midst of a cold and alienating visit to the house of a wealthy friend and is now wondering why, four hours later, she is still waiting for somebody to come and find her.A scarecrow who, in a previous life, was a nomadic 17th Century prophet and alchemist, travelling from village to village selling visions and good luck charms, and now feels secretly thwarted by his haunting spirit memories of this in his current career as one of the wholesome faces of modern television gardening.A scarecrow who came out for a long walk without her phone in an attempt to live in the moment but got hopelessly lost, randomly picked up a job as a painter-decorator in a village she had never heard of, stayed on indefinitely on a zero hours contract and finds it extraordinarily tiring but never for a second misses the more conventional colourless life she once lived, nor the worry-stricken husband and daughters she accidentally abandoned. A scarecrow who is trying his best to swallow his anger and giving me directions to the local tourist information office after I have ungratefully rejected an offer to be loaned his favourite John Mellencamp CD.A scarecrow in rural Wales who was too old to fight in the Second World War but joined the Home Guard, and, to this day, still does his best to help out on the community and make sure everyone is safe.
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