A Brief Guide To Some Of The More Attractive Single Moths I've Met In My Area, Looking For Fun

Tom Cox

Tom Cox

— 5 min read
A Brief Guide To Some Of The More Attractive Single Moths I've Met In My Area, Looking For Fun

This gentleman on my finger is a Pale Tussock Moth: probably one the most demanding and priggish of the high-performance moths you will currently find on the market...

A Pale Tussock Moth, hanging out on my finger, while embarrassingly overdressed for June.
A Pale Tussock Moth, hanging out on my finger, while embarrassingly overdressed for May.

This is a Small Magpie. As you can see, it is, to all outward appearances, not currently in a relationship, so when you see it, be sure to say "Good morning Mr Magpie, and how's your wife?" to avoid bad luck...

A Small Magpie Moth on my living room ceiling, listening to the third West Coast Pop Art Experimental Band album, from 1967, and noticing how much better the sound is on my original pressing than the flimsy late 90s reissue.
A Small Magpie Moth on my living room ceiling, listening to the third West Coast Pop Art Experimental Band album, from 1967, and noticing how much better the sound is on my original pressing than the flimsy late 90s reissue.

Next up is a Canary-Shouldered Thorn Moth, here witnessed in a rare sighting without the brightly-coloured, coal mining-obsessed bird it usually carries around with it...

A Canary-Shouldered Thorn Moth, on my finger, looking pleased with its ultra-fashionable new sunglasses. Why does my finger look so much like a carrot here?

This delightfully furry individual is a White Ermine...

A White Ermine Moth, on the wall of my porch, a few summers ago. The White Ermine is generally known to be one of Britain's warmer moths.
A White Ermine Moth, on the wall of my porch, a few summers ago. (The White Ermine is generally known to be one of Britain's warmer moths.)

Here is a Brimstone Moth, making a quite frankly wank attempt at camouflage on my old porch window...

A Brimstone Moth, enjoying the warm summer of 2017 while under the illusion that the Trump era is nothing but a four year aberration that will soon be put behind us all.
A Brimstone Moth, enjoying the summer of 2017 while under the illusion that the Trump era is nothing but a four year aberration that will soon be put behind us all.

Say hi to this Buff Ermine Moth I met last year. They did not name it that for nothing. I mean, holy shit, have you seen how buff it is?

Why are all these fucking moths so interested in my hand?

This is a European Comma Moth. Not to be confused with The Oxford Comma Moth, who some people wrongly claim performs absolutely zero useful function as a moth...

A European Comma Moth, joining me on my patio for a cup of mint tea and some lentil crisps. Again... this weird interest in my hands. I don't get it at all. I have kind of boring hands: average sort of size, maybe slightly above average in the fingers and slightly below average in the palms. No distinguishing features. Someone I went on a date with in 2010 called them "artist's hands" but I think she was just being nice, or looking for something to say to fill some space. They're entirely unremarkable.

This species of moth, seen on the window of the barn I used to live in, is called an Old Lady, mostly due to its allegedly "morbid" tendency to apply for retirement accommodation while still in its 40s (some would take a more positive view and just call this "being organised").

An Old Lady Moth on the window of my kitchen, staring at the spaniel owned by my neighbour, Frank, who it was weirdly obsessed with but never (at least to my knowledge) built up the courage to talk to.
An Old Lady Moth on the window of my kitchen, staring at the spaniel owned by my neighbour, Frank, who it was weirdly obsessed with but never (at least to my knowledge) built up the courage to talk to.

Finally, let’s have a look at an Elephant Hawkmoth caterpillar. Who the hell invented this thing and please can I buy them a drink?

An elephant hawkmoth caterpillar hanging out in my garden, looking more otherworldly than anything you might find in a Guillermo del Toro film.
An elephant hawkmoth caterpillar hanging out in my garden, looking more otherworldly than anything you would find in a Guillermo del Toro film.

I'd like to think the kind of people who read this blog love or at least respect and appreciate moths but every time I have posted about moths in the past on the internet I have always got a reply from at least one person claiming that moths are evil because they fly around frantically and eat clothes, so just to clear things up:

  1. Fewer than 0.1 percent of moth species eat clothes.
  2. Moths are not evil. They are fabulous, and have no less right to fly around frantically than we do to walk, speak or type poorly researched knee-jerk statements on the internet.
Just told a moth “Good moth!” I praise moths so they distinguish good behaviour, such as going out of windows, from bad, such as flying at lamps.
Note on a moth from my notebook (2015)

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Fuck capitalism. Celebrate insects.

Tom

Notebook is freshly out in republished paperback. Everything Will Swallow You comes out in paperback in July (but you can get it a bit earlier than that if you visit an independent bookshop in the UK during Independent Bookshop Week). I'll be speaking about the latter at the Ilminster Literary Festival in Somerset on Tuesday June 9th at 10.30am, then at the fab Heron Books in Bristol in the evening exactly a week later.

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